Friday 30 May 2014
The magical world of gratitude: Dealing with pain
The magical world of gratitude: Dealing with pain: Have you noticed that pain is so relative? When I had this accident and I had to undergo so many procedures, just the thought of going th...
Dealing with pain
Have you noticed that pain is so relative?
When I had this accident and I had to undergo so many procedures, just the thought of going through them was so painful. The pain starts even before you actually have to go through the procedure.
But then I started a mental exercise to be better prepared at dealing with this.
I started rating the pain between 1 and 10 and assessing where it stood now. Since it became just a mental exercise, the attachment to the body part or the pain diminished.
I played this mental game all through those few months when I had the broken wrist, the operation, blood tests, removal of stitches (rather staples), removal of the pin that held the plate to the bone, physiotherapy, etc.
The rating works like this.
1 is the least of the pain, say like a pin prick or injection.
10 is excruciating pain - say like a body part was being pulled out or giving birth.
So before each procedure I assessed what level pain I might have and prepared myself mentally for a few notches higher. For example when the doctor pulled out the pin, I felt it might be at 4 or 5. But I mentally was prepared for 8. So when he actually pulled it out, I didn't feel anything at all. Every single procedure I was prepared for a few notches higher and I was able to sail through without actually feeling the pain.
It works like a miracle!
Try it out.
Next time you know you are going to deal with some pain - just prepare your mind for the pain to be a few notches higher and you will find that your ability to deal with that pain has increased tremendously.
And it works even if you are suddenly exposed to the pain without being prepared earlier.
And it works not just for physical pain, but also the mental and emotional ones.
Fortune favors the prepared mind!
When I had this accident and I had to undergo so many procedures, just the thought of going through them was so painful. The pain starts even before you actually have to go through the procedure.
But then I started a mental exercise to be better prepared at dealing with this.
I started rating the pain between 1 and 10 and assessing where it stood now. Since it became just a mental exercise, the attachment to the body part or the pain diminished.
I played this mental game all through those few months when I had the broken wrist, the operation, blood tests, removal of stitches (rather staples), removal of the pin that held the plate to the bone, physiotherapy, etc.
The rating works like this.
1 is the least of the pain, say like a pin prick or injection.
10 is excruciating pain - say like a body part was being pulled out or giving birth.
So before each procedure I assessed what level pain I might have and prepared myself mentally for a few notches higher. For example when the doctor pulled out the pin, I felt it might be at 4 or 5. But I mentally was prepared for 8. So when he actually pulled it out, I didn't feel anything at all. Every single procedure I was prepared for a few notches higher and I was able to sail through without actually feeling the pain.
It works like a miracle!
Try it out.
Next time you know you are going to deal with some pain - just prepare your mind for the pain to be a few notches higher and you will find that your ability to deal with that pain has increased tremendously.
And it works even if you are suddenly exposed to the pain without being prepared earlier.
And it works not just for physical pain, but also the mental and emotional ones.
Fortune favors the prepared mind!
Saturday 24 May 2014
Life event - the rise, fall and rise again.....
Jan 26 2014:
A day like any other day. But a Sunday and India's Republic Day. Our apartment complex (DLF Garden City Chennai) was celebrating the culmination of our sports competitions. The running race of kids was conducted in the morning and as one of the volunteers, my job was to ensure that everything went off well without a hitch. First aid kit was in place and other volunteers were in place and thankfully except for a couple of slips and bruises, the events went off smoothly. The worry was due to the fact that we were conducting the events inside our complex on the tar road.
After the main competitions was over, a fun event was announced for grown-ups (men) and I enrolled too. This was a 4x100 relay and I took part in it for a lark... Dressed in a trouser, kurtha and sandals, not the right attire for a run, but what the heck, it was just 100 mtrs... why not?
Slipped off the sandals and did a few warm-ups to rev up the creaky muscles and bones.... Running for a lark didn't mean I wanted to come last. So must give a good showing for the team isn't it?
So after some huffs and puffs and some hoos and haws... I lined up with the other contestants who were starting the first lap of the race... And off we went.......
We all started together and I was doing well till the half point when the others started zooming ahead of me. Suddenly the competitive spirit surged and took over the voice of caution and I squeezed in some extra juice to catch up and at the time of handing over the baton, stretched a little more to hand it over and as I did handover, tilted too far in front and toppled over at full tilt....
This video says it all... Taken by Rama Kumar the wife of another runner Kumar, the athletic guy in red with the shining pate
Soon after this fall I stood up and asked my team mate(Kalyan) to continue. But he insisted on staying back and a crowd gathered. I didn't want to create a fuss and wished that the events would continue. However they insisted that I sit and when I did hobble over to the curb and sat down I realised that I was a little whoozy. But there was no pain. Looked down at my hand and I saw that my right wrist seemed misaligned and realised that something was wrong. But still no pain...
Thankfully my friends and neighbours rallied around and whisked me off to Global Hospital for an X-Ray and diagnosis. Kalyan was a pillar of support all through and was the first to ensure that I was taken care of. Chandra brought his car within 2 mins and drove like an ambulance driver to the hospital. Vivek, Shanti, my wife and several others (can't remember how many helped at that time) all rallied around and brought water, snacls, medicine and what not to the hospital and stayed till I left.
The X-Ray was not a good sight and the doctors advised me to get admitted for an immediate operation to implant a plate. They dressed up the wound with a light bandage and it kind of rested my hand a bit.
We high tailed it from there since we didn't want to get coerced into getting operated immediately and wanted to get a second opinion. So we came back home and I told my wife that I want to go to Puthur and get the bone set by natural methods rather than undergo an operation.
Pain had started setting in by then and I took the pain killers that was prescribed by the doctors. I dropped off to sleep that afternoon under the impression that the next morning we'll drive down to Puthur and find a place to get it treated. I need to explain to you why I took this decision. My father was homeopathic doctor and I have never had allopathy anytime in my life - not even a Vit C tablet. I believe more in natural cure and less in invasive and unnatural procedures.
However when I woke up after a couple of hours I found that the plan had changed and I was booked for a consultation with an ortho in Adyar and my wife and my sisters had conspired to get it treated here itself.
My sister arrived a few minutes after I woke up and bundled me into the car and whisked me away to the ortho.
The doctor met me and advised immediate hospitalisation and surgery for the next day.
Within 24 hours I had a series of firsts in my life:
First fracture
First hospitalisation
First injections and medicines
First operation
First implant - plates and wires to hold the bones together
First time I felt like a burden on others.
First time I felt inadequate and at a loss.
For 15 years I have had a mediclaim policy which I let lapse last year because I had never used it and at that time it came for renewal I didn't have the money to pay the premium.
So here I was with a fat bill at the hospital and no money to pay for the bills. Friends rallied around and came forward with money to pay the bills. They refused to listen to any objections and was taken care of like a child.
Again a first and got a sense of how it feels when someone takes care of you this much.
I must tell you of how I felt when I entered the hospital room where i was admitted. I sat on the visitors couch with my wife and relatives and I looked at the bed and wondered who was the patient we were visiting. I'm so used to being a visitor or care giver at a hospital that this new role of a care receiver was a strange out-of-body feeling.
I now got a sense of how it was to receive care, love and support and how essential it is to the speedy recovery of a patient. Without this care and support the healing would not have been so quick and I would not have been able to get back on my feet.
I'm so grateful that when the need arises, the helper shows up in the form of people we know and sometimes people we don't know.
Dr. Sasi a BNI friend of my mine spent so much time at the hospital bed when I needed it most and gave a lot of confidence and support. Uma my wife's partner was there almost every day bringing food, money and what not to keep my wife and me in good spirits.
My sisters, mother, brother and spouses and children were all there helping with any resource we needed.
It's in times like this that we realise that we are alone and at the same time not alone. What is required turns up when we really need it and God gives us situations that help us discover ourselves, discover others, grow up a little, overcome some internal demons and sometimes even create new demons.
But they are all inside me and depending on what glass I wear they look good or bad, helpful or painful, challenging or easy.
One of the biggest learnings was how to deal with pain - the physical pain.
Each time the nurse or the doctor asked is the pain too much, I was able to answer honestly that it was not. I prepared for each procedure expecting the pain to be a few notches higher. Say when they were removing the stitches expected the pain to be at 8 but it was only at 3, it didn't seem much at all... 10 being the pain of child birth, all that i underwent was in pale insignificance to what the women go through at child birth.
I have seen Mallik undergo so much of pain in the hospital that anything i went through was just a walk in the park.
These examples gave a perspective and a comparison to what i was undergoing and it seemed so easily bearable in comparison.
We all have infinite capacity for pain.... and happiness...
let's embrace every situation and come out smiling and on top. It's for our growth only...
A day like any other day. But a Sunday and India's Republic Day. Our apartment complex (DLF Garden City Chennai) was celebrating the culmination of our sports competitions. The running race of kids was conducted in the morning and as one of the volunteers, my job was to ensure that everything went off well without a hitch. First aid kit was in place and other volunteers were in place and thankfully except for a couple of slips and bruises, the events went off smoothly. The worry was due to the fact that we were conducting the events inside our complex on the tar road.
After the main competitions was over, a fun event was announced for grown-ups (men) and I enrolled too. This was a 4x100 relay and I took part in it for a lark... Dressed in a trouser, kurtha and sandals, not the right attire for a run, but what the heck, it was just 100 mtrs... why not?
Slipped off the sandals and did a few warm-ups to rev up the creaky muscles and bones.... Running for a lark didn't mean I wanted to come last. So must give a good showing for the team isn't it?
So after some huffs and puffs and some hoos and haws... I lined up with the other contestants who were starting the first lap of the race... And off we went.......
We all started together and I was doing well till the half point when the others started zooming ahead of me. Suddenly the competitive spirit surged and took over the voice of caution and I squeezed in some extra juice to catch up and at the time of handing over the baton, stretched a little more to hand it over and as I did handover, tilted too far in front and toppled over at full tilt....
This video says it all... Taken by Rama Kumar the wife of another runner Kumar, the athletic guy in red with the shining pate
Soon after this fall I stood up and asked my team mate(Kalyan) to continue. But he insisted on staying back and a crowd gathered. I didn't want to create a fuss and wished that the events would continue. However they insisted that I sit and when I did hobble over to the curb and sat down I realised that I was a little whoozy. But there was no pain. Looked down at my hand and I saw that my right wrist seemed misaligned and realised that something was wrong. But still no pain...
Thankfully my friends and neighbours rallied around and whisked me off to Global Hospital for an X-Ray and diagnosis. Kalyan was a pillar of support all through and was the first to ensure that I was taken care of. Chandra brought his car within 2 mins and drove like an ambulance driver to the hospital. Vivek, Shanti, my wife and several others (can't remember how many helped at that time) all rallied around and brought water, snacls, medicine and what not to the hospital and stayed till I left.
The X-Ray was not a good sight and the doctors advised me to get admitted for an immediate operation to implant a plate. They dressed up the wound with a light bandage and it kind of rested my hand a bit.
Pain had started setting in by then and I took the pain killers that was prescribed by the doctors. I dropped off to sleep that afternoon under the impression that the next morning we'll drive down to Puthur and find a place to get it treated. I need to explain to you why I took this decision. My father was homeopathic doctor and I have never had allopathy anytime in my life - not even a Vit C tablet. I believe more in natural cure and less in invasive and unnatural procedures.
However when I woke up after a couple of hours I found that the plan had changed and I was booked for a consultation with an ortho in Adyar and my wife and my sisters had conspired to get it treated here itself.
The doctor met me and advised immediate hospitalisation and surgery for the next day.
Within 24 hours I had a series of firsts in my life:
First fracture
First hospitalisation
First injections and medicines
First operation
First implant - plates and wires to hold the bones together
First time I felt like a burden on others.
First time I felt inadequate and at a loss.
Some of my friends turned up at the hospital and this shot was taken by Freddie who looked in at me after hearing about the accident.
For 15 years I have had a mediclaim policy which I let lapse last year because I had never used it and at that time it came for renewal I didn't have the money to pay the premium.
So here I was with a fat bill at the hospital and no money to pay for the bills. Friends rallied around and came forward with money to pay the bills. They refused to listen to any objections and was taken care of like a child.
Again a first and got a sense of how it feels when someone takes care of you this much.
I must tell you of how I felt when I entered the hospital room where i was admitted. I sat on the visitors couch with my wife and relatives and I looked at the bed and wondered who was the patient we were visiting. I'm so used to being a visitor or care giver at a hospital that this new role of a care receiver was a strange out-of-body feeling.
I now got a sense of how it was to receive care, love and support and how essential it is to the speedy recovery of a patient. Without this care and support the healing would not have been so quick and I would not have been able to get back on my feet.
I'm so grateful that when the need arises, the helper shows up in the form of people we know and sometimes people we don't know.
Dr. Sasi a BNI friend of my mine spent so much time at the hospital bed when I needed it most and gave a lot of confidence and support. Uma my wife's partner was there almost every day bringing food, money and what not to keep my wife and me in good spirits.
My sisters, mother, brother and spouses and children were all there helping with any resource we needed.
It's in times like this that we realise that we are alone and at the same time not alone. What is required turns up when we really need it and God gives us situations that help us discover ourselves, discover others, grow up a little, overcome some internal demons and sometimes even create new demons.
But they are all inside me and depending on what glass I wear they look good or bad, helpful or painful, challenging or easy.
One of the biggest learnings was how to deal with pain - the physical pain.
Each time the nurse or the doctor asked is the pain too much, I was able to answer honestly that it was not. I prepared for each procedure expecting the pain to be a few notches higher. Say when they were removing the stitches expected the pain to be at 8 but it was only at 3, it didn't seem much at all... 10 being the pain of child birth, all that i underwent was in pale insignificance to what the women go through at child birth.
I have seen Mallik undergo so much of pain in the hospital that anything i went through was just a walk in the park.
These examples gave a perspective and a comparison to what i was undergoing and it seemed so easily bearable in comparison.
We all have infinite capacity for pain.... and happiness...
let's embrace every situation and come out smiling and on top. It's for our growth only...
Saturday 19 October 2013
The magical world of gratitude: Mindful eating
The magical world of gratitude: Mindful eating: Have you ever eaten a meal where you were conscious of every morsel entering your mouth? How did it feel? Here is what happened to me when...
Mindful eating
Have you ever eaten a meal where you were conscious of every morsel entering your mouth? How did it feel?
Here is what happened to me when I had breakfast in a completely mindful state.
The menu was idlis, coconut chutney and mulaga podi (idli podi). Simple, nutritious and easy to make, i presume, some women may disagree.
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As I took my first mouthful I relished the texture, the coarseness, the flavours, and the taste while I chewed and then swallowed the food. The next mouthful was dedicated to the person who made this for me and I mentally thanked and blessed her for making it for me. The next mouthful evoked images of the traders who had handled the rice, urad dhal, salt, coconuts, chillies, other dhals and spices that went into this dish and I mentally thanked each of them for being responsible for bringing me this food.
Then I went on a mental journey up the supply chain to dwell on each of those responsible for putting this food on my table - the farmers, their helpers, the drought animals that work on those farms, and all those beings (birds, insects, animals, etc. etc.) who have contributed to the growth of the grains, spices, nuts, etc.
The next mouthful gave thanks to the sun, the rains, the weather, the soil, wind, sky, water and all other elements of nature that have worked together to bring to life the grains, spices and nuts that were in this dish.
I suddenly felt humbled at the number of things that have come together to help me have this so-called-simple meal and I raised thanks to all those nameless souls and elements that have toiled for such a long time to help me get his meal.
As I relished the sense of smell, touch and taste of each mouthful and as I dwelt on each person, thing and place that has helped produce this meal and bring it to my table, it dawned on me that we are all interconnected and I am living, breathing, eating and drinking because of each of these people and things. I've been living life so superficially that I was completely unaware of the roles that people play in my life - the ones who are really contributing to my well-being and growth.
My mindspace has been occupied by thinking of people who are so insignificant to my well-being while ignoring the people who are really contributing to my daily life.
The choice of foods I eat can really change when I am fully aware of what I'm putting into my mouth. As I think of how each of these are produced, I would know whether it is aligned with my values and my image of who I am.
I would be in total harmony with myself and the universe because I will be taking only those foods that will contribute to my life the way I dream it to be.
Here is what happened to me when I had breakfast in a completely mindful state.
The menu was idlis, coconut chutney and mulaga podi (idli podi). Simple, nutritious and easy to make, i presume, some women may disagree.
.jpg)
As I took my first mouthful I relished the texture, the coarseness, the flavours, and the taste while I chewed and then swallowed the food. The next mouthful was dedicated to the person who made this for me and I mentally thanked and blessed her for making it for me. The next mouthful evoked images of the traders who had handled the rice, urad dhal, salt, coconuts, chillies, other dhals and spices that went into this dish and I mentally thanked each of them for being responsible for bringing me this food.
Then I went on a mental journey up the supply chain to dwell on each of those responsible for putting this food on my table - the farmers, their helpers, the drought animals that work on those farms, and all those beings (birds, insects, animals, etc. etc.) who have contributed to the growth of the grains, spices, nuts, etc.
The next mouthful gave thanks to the sun, the rains, the weather, the soil, wind, sky, water and all other elements of nature that have worked together to bring to life the grains, spices and nuts that were in this dish.
I suddenly felt humbled at the number of things that have come together to help me have this so-called-simple meal and I raised thanks to all those nameless souls and elements that have toiled for such a long time to help me get his meal.
As I relished the sense of smell, touch and taste of each mouthful and as I dwelt on each person, thing and place that has helped produce this meal and bring it to my table, it dawned on me that we are all interconnected and I am living, breathing, eating and drinking because of each of these people and things. I've been living life so superficially that I was completely unaware of the roles that people play in my life - the ones who are really contributing to my well-being and growth.
My mindspace has been occupied by thinking of people who are so insignificant to my well-being while ignoring the people who are really contributing to my daily life.
The choice of foods I eat can really change when I am fully aware of what I'm putting into my mouth. As I think of how each of these are produced, I would know whether it is aligned with my values and my image of who I am.
I would be in total harmony with myself and the universe because I will be taking only those foods that will contribute to my life the way I dream it to be.
Friday 18 October 2013
The magical world of gratitude: Foundation of a highly effective team - TRUST
The magical world of gratitude: Foundation of a highly effective team - TRUST: Patrick Lencioni describes five ways a team becomes dysfunctional in the form of a pyramid. The five functions in order of causality a...
Foundation of a highly effective team - TRUST
Patrick Lencioni describes five ways a team becomes dysfunctional in the form of a pyramid.
The five functions in order of causality are:
The five functions in order of causality are:
- Absence of Trust: People do not trust the intention of their team mates. They feel the need to protect themselves from each other and tread carefully around others on the team. This leads to the next dysfunction.
- Fear of conflict: Without trust, people are unwilling to involve themselves in productive debates and conflicts, the type of good conflict that focuses entirely on resolving issues without involving character attacks or hidden personal agendas. Without such healthy conflicts, issues stay unresolved or are unsatisfactorily resolved. People feel they have not been properly involved in decisions. This leads to the next dysfunction.
- Lack of commitment: When people feel their input has not been properly considered and that they have not been properly involved in decisions, they have no buy in. They do not commit to the final decision. Ambiguity about priorities and directions festers and uncertainties linger. This leads to the next dysfunction.
- Avoidance of accountability: When people have no buy in about decisions, they avoid accepting accountability. Worse still, they do not hold their teammates accountable to high standards. Resentment festers and mediocrity spreads. This leads to the final dysfunction.
- Inattention to results: The ultimate dysfunction of a team. People care about something other than the collective goals of the team. Goals are not met, results are not achieved and you lose your best people to your competition.
The best teams are those where team members trust the intentions of each other enough that they are willing to expose their vulnerabilities because they are confident that it will not be used against them. Hence they are willing to admit deficiencies and ask for help.
In other words, they are able to concentrate their energies on achieving the team's goals rather than wasting time trying to defend their egos and look good to their team-mates
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